WCH Drama team
WCH Team Awesome
Wolcrasi Community Hospital’s Chief of Medicine Wilhelm “Virtus” Doctorow sat across a table from Nurse Amy Bailey and Nurse Leah Perditam. By Dr. Doctorow’s side sat a black-and-white humanoid statue.
“And that’s why we’re striking”, said Amy Bailey. Blonde, curly-haired and wearing a frown that was practically a semi-circle, Amy was clearly in a bad mood.
“Our patients will suffer”, was all Dr. Doctorow could manage. He kept calm the best he could. An nearly unflappable older Asian gentleman, Virtus currently pretended there wasn’t perspiration falling down the sides of his own head.
“Yeah, well, you have three days before we make it happen. We’ve stated our demands. Address them for good and we can come back here.”, said Amy.
“I’ll see what I can do”, said Virtus.
“Come on. You’ve had complaints over Dr. Leucine Naturae ever since the hospital opened. She’s sexually harassed EVERY single female staff member here!” said Leah. A redheaded nurse with intense blue eyes, Leah had a perpetual scowl that was slightly scowlier than usual today.
“Actually, among our female personnel, we haven’t had any complaints regarding Dr. Naturae from Bella Luna, Hallie Gu or Noelle Taube.“ said the statue by Virtus’ side. “Oh, and also myself, the Angel of Peace.”
“Peace”, Amy replied. “I hate to break it to you, but every time Leucine grabs your rear end, it’s not to check your body fat. She does it for fun.”
“Oh”, said Peace. She quietly stood up, crossed the table, and left the room to file a complaint.
Virtus fought the urge to bury his face in his hands.
“Okay, I’ll make the necessary changes and get back to you before the deadline”, he said, his normally smooth, practiced voice now rough and strained.
“It better not be more empty promises!” said Amy. “We’ve put up with this for so long, I was tempted to add canonization to our list of demands, because only a saint could have put up with what we have.”
“Amen!” said Leah.
The two others shuffled out of the room. Virtus sat back in his chair with a sigh as soon as he was sure they were out of earshot.
A text message rang on his phone. Within a second of the ring, he fished it out of his pocket and was looking at the screen.
“Knock knock”, the message read, from a contact named “Serpent.”
Virtus nearly sprinted out of his chair, but he remained calm and stood up from his seat. Before he could leave the room, a figure leaned out of the hallway and gently rapped its fist against the open door.
“Hm, you arrived here…quickly”, said Virtus.
“Not long ago, but I did not want you to mind me during your meeting”, said the sweet and raspy voice of an elderly woman.
Her skin was a mild shade of purple and her black hair was tied up in a bow. She seemed to have both eyes constantly closed in a sanguine, knowing smile, yet also seemed to have no difficult seeing. Were it not for the two black horns protruding from the top of her head, she could have been mistaken for an elderly woman of indeterminate race and perhaps that was her intent. But Virtus knew better.
She was a devil, and like Virtus, a millennia-old immortal being. She had held many jobs and positions over the ages, and today she was the Wolcrasi Community Hospital’s operations consultant. She was well-dressed, with a blouse, slight overcoat, and complex, busy-looking pink ribbon rose on her chest. Although she seemed every bit a kindly grandmother, Virtus got the impression that every second of everything she saw here was dissected and stored for later analysis, as if he was under a microscope. He sat at attention and carefully beckoned her to sit down.
Her services had come highly recommended from Leonard Balonz on the hospital board, and Virtus would see what she was worth today. The agreement was that she’d work discreetly and at a small fraction of her usual consulting fees, in order to bail out a struggling hospital.
The Serpent let herself into the room and sat down in one of the table’s empty chairs, every motion smooth, textbook and almost casual in its perfectness, as if choreographed a million times before. This level of ease of movement that only resulted from many years, possible centuries, of carefully minding your impression on others, Virtus knew from his own experience.
She spoke again. “So, rumor has it that this hospital may be facing a nursing strike.” Her words were chosen as if blades from an arsenal, and Virtus immediately knew, like he had honed his surgical skills for centuries, so she had spent many human lifetimes refining her speech.
Virtus nodded, again mindful of his feeling of being dissected. “Yes”, he said. “I have just finished discussing terms with the leaders of the strike. You understand, our hospital has just concluded its first year of operations and a nursing strike would harm what goodwill we have since developed with Great Hub’s under-served paranormal population.”
Serpent nodded and smiled sympathetically, her eyes still shut, and leaned forward.
She said, “Very well then. It is important to you, so perhaps you would like to make the strike the first order of business between us?”
Virtus nodded back.
Serpent said, “Can you tell me the demands, and any possible difficulties in overcoming them? I may have some ideas.”
Virtus said, “Well, they have three demands, but one of them is a broad spectrum problem that has a lot of little parts. The first is to stop Dr. Naturae’s… uh…”,
He suddenly remembered that Serpent was Leucine’s sister.
Sensing his hesitation, Serpent gave him a disarming smile and gently put her hand next to his.
“I understand. Leucine can be a bit much, it’s nothing that I haven’t seen as her sister for a thousand years. Go on.”
Virtus continued. “Dr. Naturae has been sexually harassing almost every female staff member we have on hand. Nurses, technicians and doctors. They want it to stop. I’ve put in a lot of time towards that.
“Their second demand is improving hospital security. They’re tired of dealing with mentally unstable patients, the Grand Duck, undead outbreaks, intruders on campus, and other such problems. Those... will take some very dramatic measures and I’m not sure I’m up to the task of supplying the solution.”
Serpent nodded. Virtus could hear the gears turning in her head and constantly shifting and aligning as he spoke. She seemed to take in absolutely everything in his body language and voice. It reminded him of himself during a difficult surgery, with this intense level of focus, only he was the patient here.
“Their third demand is that the food is bad in the hospital and they’re tired of always having to eat out. In their exact words, it is ‘super bad’. They literally want me to burn down the hospital food court and start anew. We don’t have anyone with food management experience. I was hoping you knew someone.”
Serpent contemplated his words for a moment.
“Okay”, she finally said. “What are your initial proposals for solutions?”
“Honestly”, he said “I would like you or Mr. Balonz could sit down and have a talk with your sister, Dr. Naturae. I’ve tried educating and disciplining her through the typical channels, she basically forgets it even happens most of the time. It’s gotten to the point that our female personnel assault her the moment she touches them. Even that doesn’t seem to deter her.”
He took a deep breath. “I’m honestly afraid she could press charges of assault if it goes on, or leave for another hospital if I move too dramatically. I don’t believe either is likely yet, but I don’t want to push my luck, Wolcrasi hospital is on precarious enough footing as it is. If she leaves, we’re done for, because we’d need five or six ER surgeons to replace her. So I’m hoping all she needs is someone she cares about to sit her down and talk about it.”
“Hm”, said Serpent. She seemed to emerge from a deep pool of thought. “I know her. If Leonard or I ask, she would just do it more to annoy us. She can be difficult sometimes. I can think of a short-term and a long-term solution. You’ll want both. The long-term solution is, bluntly put, to get her a girlfriend. I can work on finding someone but that won’t happen soon enough to help your strikers. So, I can execute a short-term solution, but that is best kept discreet.”
Serpent paused.
“I’m listening.” said Virtus.
“Very discreet.” said Serpent.
“I see… please tell me it is legal, at least.”
“Entirely legal, just that it’s best she not trace it back to you. She might blame me, certainly, and she will eventually forgive me for this, but I would prefer we keep your hands clean today, Doctor.”
“…Very good”, said Virtus, with not a little trepidation.
“So, I will need a team assembled”, said Serpent. She pulled out a sheaf of papers from her bag and spread them across the table smoothly and evenly in one motion, like a card dealer.
Virtus peered down at them. “These are… our personnel dossiers. You just got here, how did you get access to these?”
“Hospital security needs work”, said Serpent. “Which brings me to your second concern. Dealing with all these disparate problems will not be easy. I will assemble this team to deal with most of your problems. These personnel have capabilities I believe are indispensable for the tasks you describe, and they are roles that can afford to take off the time necessary to handle these problems. The exact composition of my team is negotiable, but the presence of the team is not.”
Virtus shuffled through the sheaf of papers with practiced ease. “Not Dr. Naturae, Peace or Dr. Fidelis? They’ve been instrumental in tackling several major crises the hospital has been through.”
“They’re crucial to your hospital’s normal operations. They also have significant personality issues that may affect mission performance. I also considered Dr. Luna, with her unique skillset, but as she is both your ward and quite temperamental, I believe it is best she simply remain a surgeon. No, the team I wish for are supporting doctors and staff.”
“I’ll give these a look through after our meeting and get back to you.” said Virtus.
“Outstanding.” said Serpent. “I believe this response team can accomplish most of the required security issues in the short-term. We will discuss long-term security later. The one issue I will require greater measures to deal with is the Grand Duck.”
Virtus sharply inhaled. Serpent seemed to sense his stress as clearly. He might as well have screamed. She tilted her head with a reassuring, almost grandmotherly, smile. That didn’t make what she had to say any less worrying.
“The Grand Duck has a reputation, and it is a very formidable one. He razes buildings to the ground and, uh, terminates everyone who doesn’t join his forces, so I’m not sure why he’s behaving so…calmly in this hospital. A very long list of people have failed to stop him with force or diplomacy, and they are no longer with us now. I don’t believe the personnel we have on hand are anything near sufficient to permanently deal with him.”
Virtus took off his glasses and rubbed his forehead. “I’m aware. We’ve barely been able to stop him every time he goes on a rampage. Police won’t even set foot on campus without an all-out armed response, for him and other reasons. I am very tired of the Duck. What do you have in mind?”
“I am well acquainted the private military and security contractor community here”, said Serpent “Most of them regard Wolcrasi as his territory and are well aware of what happens to those who cross him. Few could plausibly challenge him, and of those groups, they will ask for payment and operating leeway far beyond what you are willing to give. Operating leeway meaning collateral damage.”
“Oh.” said Virtus.
“I know of exactly two groups who are both within your price range and have a very good chance of taking down the Duck without needing to evacuate campus and then rebuild several buildings. The first such group is the Hospital chairwoman and her cohort… Dr. Lemaitre, I believe. I understand you may be hesitant to employ this option.”
Virtus cringed. “Yes, that’s definitely off the table.”
Serpent continued. “In any case, I believe, but cannot confirm, that Dr. Lemaitre has struck a special deal with the Grand Duck to avoid loss of life on either side, so that is likely off the table in any case. The second option is my brother, the devil known as Ox. He’s effective, efficient and not a stranger to handling things discreetly. I’m on poor relations with him, as are Balonz and Leucine, but he is very close to our sister, Noelle Taube, who is one of your medical interns here. To convince him to deal with the Duck for less than a fortune, I’ll to ask Noelle to ask him. I have no doubt that he’ll accept the mission if Noelle asks earnestly.”
“Okay. Please do that.” Said Virtus.
“I believe this two-pronged solution can patch up your security issues enough for your strikers. We will discuss long-term security hires and procedures later.”
“Okay, and the third item the, food court… any ideas?”
“Burn it down.” Said Serpent.
Virtus paused. “Excuse me?”
“I looked it up. It’s rated 0 stars on Yelp. Zero stars. That’s not even possible. It does not seem to be adding value to Wolcrasi Community Hospital. Shut it down. Demolishing the building is optional, but it would definitely prove to the strikers that you are taking their demands seriously. Replacing it is also optional.”
“Uh, I will consider it. This is a lot to think about, Serpent. I’ll let you gather your team on a provisional basis and review your, uh, notes here before I give a final approval. Thank you.”
“Thank you for hearing my solutions out. I also would like to suggest longer-term changes after this crisis has passed.”
“Of course.”
Virtus wanted this meeting over with as soon as possible. She seemed to understand this, stood up, and left the room as gracefully it was a moment before he realized she was gone. He looked over the documents in his hand and wondered what qualities she saw in these individuals that made them suited for a special team.
Twenty minutes later, Serpent’s phone chimed. She glanced at it to see a text from Virtus. “Okay with Team. Plan mission, discuss with me at 2.”
She smiled and looked up.
Assembled before her were nurse Leah Perditam, Dr. Grace Vaya, Dr. Keith Takeda, security guard Bianco Achromis, cleaner Monica Oh, and hospital intern Noelle Taube, aka Dove. Dove was lying in a hospital bed, having sustained exceptional injury during a major security incident a few weeks ago. Everyone else assembled around her.
Serpent said, “So, I hope I have made clear the importance of our tasks today. I have received special dispensation from our Chief of Medicine to pull you from your usual duties to handle our special duties today. Most of these fall under the realm of security. I understand that several of you have the full intent of striking if these problems are not resolved. Fortunately, I believe if we organize together, we can resolve these problems in a manner that you may find… cathartic.”
Leah could not help but grin, with the way that Serpent implied getting back at some of the more annoying elements of this hospital.
“I will, however, require your buy-in.”, said Serpent. “You understand that, much like being a member of this hospital, these tasks will come with risk.”
A chorus of yeses echoed around the room.
Serpent couldn’t help but be surprised how quickly all the personnel seized the chance to take direct action, for no additional compensation. Perhaps they were just sick of Virtus’ non-confrontational style.
“With the input of Nurse Perditam, I have broken down ‘security concerns’ into several discrete tasks. We need to dissuade Dr. Naturae from grabbing young ladies’ bottoms, chase away an unwanted local cannabis dealer, resolve a standoff with Dr. Matsuda in the neurology department, negotiate with the fungal entity known as Rhiza, round up and secure loose patients, finally get Slumbear to start working again. Is that correct?“
Leah nodded. “Also, could we burn down the food court?”
“If you do well enough, certainly”, said Serpent, her eyes still closed in a sly smile. “Also, there is the matter of killing the Grand Duck, but we will acquire someone properly qualified for the task.” She said it as if it were a routine matter, like a stereotypically old woman would talk about knitting or cooking.
A round of cheers went across the room. Patience with the Duck had run out on day 1.
“Now, I will need an hour to plan and then I have a meeting with the chief of medicine. I will ask any of you who are interested to stay behind and provide your input to our plan. Everyone else, please remain on call because we may require you as soon as I leave my meeting.”
Nurse Leah Perditam and Dr. Grace Vaya stayed while the others dispersed. Dove stayed behind as well, it wasn’t like she was going anywhere while in traction.
“So, just between us, Serpie, why’d you pick you and us?” said Grace, with a wink. He was a tall slightly chubby and dark-skinned man in glasses, typically dressed in teal, green and khaki casual clothing under his lab coat.
He may not have meant his question seriously, but Serpent took it with gravitas.
“You are an angel of Rakha” said Serpent. “who has proven your value in handling several crises the hospital has been through, through your medical, supernatural and tactical skills. Your disciplinary record is a large number of minor infractions, which is fairly trivial compared to the more severe issues of many among our staff. That makes you an automatic inclusion. Testimony from my sister Noelle here and my sister Leucine only reinforce my impression.”
Grace gave a brief grunt of surprise. It wasn’t exactly common knowledge that he wasn’t human.
Serpent seemed to understand the meaning of the grunt immediately. “I’m a devil, dearie. We talk to each other. I’m also aware that Leah and Dove here are both in the know about your secret. It’ll stay with me, dearie.”
Grace rubbed his head a little, his face turning red as Serpent’s praise sunk in. “Okay, why the rest of us?”
“Well, Leah here also offers combat expertise, medical knowledge, novel problem-solving skills, and some important leadership qualities. I am prepared to offer both of you positions as the leaders of our merry little band.”
“I think you’re talking me way up here”, said Leah with a sigh.
Serpent ignored her. “More importantly, both of you are capable of some unique magical abilities, which make you invaluable in magical and security emergencies. Please consider my offer.”
“Noelle,” said Serpent, turning towards her sister, the young woman known as Dove, “For now I need you to talk to Frederick and ask him to take down the Grand Duck. I understand it’s a very big ask.”
“I’ll do it! The Duck made me drink a rotten fish smoothie! He’s going down!”, said Dove.
“…of course, Noelle”, said Serpent. She seemed taken aback with the vehemence in Dove’s voice. “I’ve been told you’ve been a big help for the hospital, and you may take a more direct role in our team once you recover from your injuries, which I’m told will be two or three months.”
Dove hugged at the bandaged-up, shredded figure of a teddy bear in her hands.
“Now, we have an hour. Let’s get to plotting.” said Serpent.
Grace grinned.
===========
Serpent met Virtus in his office. It was bare, with only the minimum of décor to look like someone actually owned it, but everything was exceptionally orderly. Everything, down to opened mail and stationary, was clean, set at right angles, and filed in an appropriate spot. Quite unlike the rest of the hospital.
Virtus sat across from Serpent, carefully examining her. He couldn’t find much to remark about, she kept an excellent poker face behind that motherly smile. Surely it wasn’t that that was all there was to her? She was thousands of years old, you don’t get that old without some serious secrets. He again felt naked and exposed under her observation, and he definitely wasn’t succeeding at returning the favor.
“So, is the team cooperative?”, he said at last, partly meant as a question and part to deflect his discomfort.
Serpent said, “All of them, yes. I was surprised at their enthusiasm. I hope they don’t overact in the process. If I had my way, I would put them through training, but instead my faith in their track records will have to do.”
“What about your brother? Did he agree?”, said Virtus.
“Noelle has agreed to ask him, also enthusiastically. She sure has changed from her time here.”
“Well, we did have that whole hostage crisis three weeks ago.”
“That would do it. So yes, Frederick will agree if Noelle asks. It’s a matter of her personal security, after all.”
“Excellent.”, said Virtus. “And you’ve expressed confidence. What supplies will you require?”
“Hm, our solutions need very little hardware. But for future use, or as a fallback, a reasonable team budget would helpful”, said Serpent.
“Ask Leyla in Accounts Payable. She is discreet. We have an emergency fund, subject to review by our heads. Leyla can obfuscate as necessary.”
“Okay, let’s talk about use of force. In the event… we may have to be uncouth, what are you willing to tolerate?”
“So, Wolcrasi is something of a legal gray area. I mean, all of Wolcrasi is a legal gray area. The police are afraid to step onto campus because of all the strange and dangerous things that happen here. They need to escalate to armed SWAT teams before they’re willing to intervene.”
Serpent listened attentively.
VIrtus continued. “The fact is, you can do anything, but I will expect deadly force and grand property destruction is called for only in the course of legal self-defense. Our friend dealing with the Grand Duck notwithstanding, as the courts have ruled him hostis humani generis. So, pretty much anything is worth it, just ask him not to ding our architecture too badly.”
“Mm, he’s called Ox for a reason. I’ll definitely bring it up though.” Said Serpent.
“Are we you willing to accept us as representatives or official agents of the hospital?”
“On a case-by-case approval basis. De facto, the answer is no, unless it is within the scope of each employee’s normal duties. And your normal duties as an operations consultant. I may change my mind depending on your results.”
Serpent nodded, in evident agreement with Virtus’ stance.
Wolcrasi Community Hospital’s Chief of Medicine Wilhelm “Virtus” Doctorow sat across a table from Nurse Amy Bailey and Nurse Leah Perditam. By Dr. Doctorow’s side sat a black-and-white humanoid statue.
“And that’s why we’re striking”, said Amy Bailey. Blonde, curly-haired and wearing a frown that was practically a semi-circle, Amy was clearly in a bad mood.
“Our patients will suffer”, was all Dr. Doctorow could manage. He kept calm the best he could. An nearly unflappable older Asian gentleman, Virtus currently pretended there wasn’t perspiration falling down the sides of his own head.
“Yeah, well, you have three days before we make it happen. We’ve stated our demands. Address them for good and we can come back here.”, said Amy.
“I’ll see what I can do”, said Virtus.
“Come on. You’ve had complaints over Dr. Leucine Naturae ever since the hospital opened. She’s sexually harassed EVERY single female staff member here!” said Leah. A redheaded nurse with intense blue eyes, Leah had a perpetual scowl that was slightly scowlier than usual today.
“Actually, among our female personnel, we haven’t had any complaints regarding Dr. Naturae from Bella Luna, Hallie Gu or Noelle Taube.“ said the statue by Virtus’ side. “Oh, and also myself, the Angel of Peace.”
“Peace”, Amy replied. “I hate to break it to you, but every time Leucine grabs your rear end, it’s not to check your body fat. She does it for fun.”
“Oh”, said Peace. She quietly stood up, crossed the table, and left the room to file a complaint.
Virtus fought the urge to bury his face in his hands.
“Okay, I’ll make the necessary changes and get back to you before the deadline”, he said, his normally smooth, practiced voice now rough and strained.
“It better not be more empty promises!” said Amy. “We’ve put up with this for so long, I was tempted to add canonization to our list of demands, because only a saint could have put up with what we have.”
“Amen!” said Leah.
The two others shuffled out of the room. Virtus sat back in his chair with a sigh as soon as he was sure they were out of earshot.
A text message rang on his phone. Within a second of the ring, he fished it out of his pocket and was looking at the screen.
“Knock knock”, the message read, from a contact named “Serpent.”
Virtus nearly sprinted out of his chair, but he remained calm and stood up from his seat. Before he could leave the room, a figure leaned out of the hallway and gently rapped its fist against the open door.
“Hm, you arrived here…quickly”, said Virtus.
“Not long ago, but I did not want you to mind me during your meeting”, said the sweet and raspy voice of an elderly woman.
Her skin was a mild shade of purple and her black hair was tied up in a bow. She seemed to have both eyes constantly closed in a sanguine, knowing smile, yet also seemed to have no difficult seeing. Were it not for the two black horns protruding from the top of her head, she could have been mistaken for an elderly woman of indeterminate race and perhaps that was her intent. But Virtus knew better.
She was a devil, and like Virtus, a millennia-old immortal being. She had held many jobs and positions over the ages, and today she was the Wolcrasi Community Hospital’s operations consultant. She was well-dressed, with a blouse, slight overcoat, and complex, busy-looking pink ribbon rose on her chest. Although she seemed every bit a kindly grandmother, Virtus got the impression that every second of everything she saw here was dissected and stored for later analysis, as if he was under a microscope. He sat at attention and carefully beckoned her to sit down.
Her services had come highly recommended from Leonard Balonz on the hospital board, and Virtus would see what she was worth today. The agreement was that she’d work discreetly and at a small fraction of her usual consulting fees, in order to bail out a struggling hospital.
The Serpent let herself into the room and sat down in one of the table’s empty chairs, every motion smooth, textbook and almost casual in its perfectness, as if choreographed a million times before. This level of ease of movement that only resulted from many years, possible centuries, of carefully minding your impression on others, Virtus knew from his own experience.
She spoke again. “So, rumor has it that this hospital may be facing a nursing strike.” Her words were chosen as if blades from an arsenal, and Virtus immediately knew, like he had honed his surgical skills for centuries, so she had spent many human lifetimes refining her speech.
Virtus nodded, again mindful of his feeling of being dissected. “Yes”, he said. “I have just finished discussing terms with the leaders of the strike. You understand, our hospital has just concluded its first year of operations and a nursing strike would harm what goodwill we have since developed with Great Hub’s under-served paranormal population.”
Serpent nodded and smiled sympathetically, her eyes still shut, and leaned forward.
She said, “Very well then. It is important to you, so perhaps you would like to make the strike the first order of business between us?”
Virtus nodded back.
Serpent said, “Can you tell me the demands, and any possible difficulties in overcoming them? I may have some ideas.”
Virtus said, “Well, they have three demands, but one of them is a broad spectrum problem that has a lot of little parts. The first is to stop Dr. Naturae’s… uh…”,
He suddenly remembered that Serpent was Leucine’s sister.
Sensing his hesitation, Serpent gave him a disarming smile and gently put her hand next to his.
“I understand. Leucine can be a bit much, it’s nothing that I haven’t seen as her sister for a thousand years. Go on.”
Virtus continued. “Dr. Naturae has been sexually harassing almost every female staff member we have on hand. Nurses, technicians and doctors. They want it to stop. I’ve put in a lot of time towards that.
“Their second demand is improving hospital security. They’re tired of dealing with mentally unstable patients, the Grand Duck, undead outbreaks, intruders on campus, and other such problems. Those... will take some very dramatic measures and I’m not sure I’m up to the task of supplying the solution.”
Serpent nodded. Virtus could hear the gears turning in her head and constantly shifting and aligning as he spoke. She seemed to take in absolutely everything in his body language and voice. It reminded him of himself during a difficult surgery, with this intense level of focus, only he was the patient here.
“Their third demand is that the food is bad in the hospital and they’re tired of always having to eat out. In their exact words, it is ‘super bad’. They literally want me to burn down the hospital food court and start anew. We don’t have anyone with food management experience. I was hoping you knew someone.”
Serpent contemplated his words for a moment.
“Okay”, she finally said. “What are your initial proposals for solutions?”
“Honestly”, he said “I would like you or Mr. Balonz could sit down and have a talk with your sister, Dr. Naturae. I’ve tried educating and disciplining her through the typical channels, she basically forgets it even happens most of the time. It’s gotten to the point that our female personnel assault her the moment she touches them. Even that doesn’t seem to deter her.”
He took a deep breath. “I’m honestly afraid she could press charges of assault if it goes on, or leave for another hospital if I move too dramatically. I don’t believe either is likely yet, but I don’t want to push my luck, Wolcrasi hospital is on precarious enough footing as it is. If she leaves, we’re done for, because we’d need five or six ER surgeons to replace her. So I’m hoping all she needs is someone she cares about to sit her down and talk about it.”
“Hm”, said Serpent. She seemed to emerge from a deep pool of thought. “I know her. If Leonard or I ask, she would just do it more to annoy us. She can be difficult sometimes. I can think of a short-term and a long-term solution. You’ll want both. The long-term solution is, bluntly put, to get her a girlfriend. I can work on finding someone but that won’t happen soon enough to help your strikers. So, I can execute a short-term solution, but that is best kept discreet.”
Serpent paused.
“I’m listening.” said Virtus.
“Very discreet.” said Serpent.
“I see… please tell me it is legal, at least.”
“Entirely legal, just that it’s best she not trace it back to you. She might blame me, certainly, and she will eventually forgive me for this, but I would prefer we keep your hands clean today, Doctor.”
“…Very good”, said Virtus, with not a little trepidation.
“So, I will need a team assembled”, said Serpent. She pulled out a sheaf of papers from her bag and spread them across the table smoothly and evenly in one motion, like a card dealer.
Virtus peered down at them. “These are… our personnel dossiers. You just got here, how did you get access to these?”
“Hospital security needs work”, said Serpent. “Which brings me to your second concern. Dealing with all these disparate problems will not be easy. I will assemble this team to deal with most of your problems. These personnel have capabilities I believe are indispensable for the tasks you describe, and they are roles that can afford to take off the time necessary to handle these problems. The exact composition of my team is negotiable, but the presence of the team is not.”
Virtus shuffled through the sheaf of papers with practiced ease. “Not Dr. Naturae, Peace or Dr. Fidelis? They’ve been instrumental in tackling several major crises the hospital has been through.”
“They’re crucial to your hospital’s normal operations. They also have significant personality issues that may affect mission performance. I also considered Dr. Luna, with her unique skillset, but as she is both your ward and quite temperamental, I believe it is best she simply remain a surgeon. No, the team I wish for are supporting doctors and staff.”
“I’ll give these a look through after our meeting and get back to you.” said Virtus.
“Outstanding.” said Serpent. “I believe this response team can accomplish most of the required security issues in the short-term. We will discuss long-term security later. The one issue I will require greater measures to deal with is the Grand Duck.”
Virtus sharply inhaled. Serpent seemed to sense his stress as clearly. He might as well have screamed. She tilted her head with a reassuring, almost grandmotherly, smile. That didn’t make what she had to say any less worrying.
“The Grand Duck has a reputation, and it is a very formidable one. He razes buildings to the ground and, uh, terminates everyone who doesn’t join his forces, so I’m not sure why he’s behaving so…calmly in this hospital. A very long list of people have failed to stop him with force or diplomacy, and they are no longer with us now. I don’t believe the personnel we have on hand are anything near sufficient to permanently deal with him.”
Virtus took off his glasses and rubbed his forehead. “I’m aware. We’ve barely been able to stop him every time he goes on a rampage. Police won’t even set foot on campus without an all-out armed response, for him and other reasons. I am very tired of the Duck. What do you have in mind?”
“I am well acquainted the private military and security contractor community here”, said Serpent “Most of them regard Wolcrasi as his territory and are well aware of what happens to those who cross him. Few could plausibly challenge him, and of those groups, they will ask for payment and operating leeway far beyond what you are willing to give. Operating leeway meaning collateral damage.”
“Oh.” said Virtus.
“I know of exactly two groups who are both within your price range and have a very good chance of taking down the Duck without needing to evacuate campus and then rebuild several buildings. The first such group is the Hospital chairwoman and her cohort… Dr. Lemaitre, I believe. I understand you may be hesitant to employ this option.”
Virtus cringed. “Yes, that’s definitely off the table.”
Serpent continued. “In any case, I believe, but cannot confirm, that Dr. Lemaitre has struck a special deal with the Grand Duck to avoid loss of life on either side, so that is likely off the table in any case. The second option is my brother, the devil known as Ox. He’s effective, efficient and not a stranger to handling things discreetly. I’m on poor relations with him, as are Balonz and Leucine, but he is very close to our sister, Noelle Taube, who is one of your medical interns here. To convince him to deal with the Duck for less than a fortune, I’ll to ask Noelle to ask him. I have no doubt that he’ll accept the mission if Noelle asks earnestly.”
“Okay. Please do that.” Said Virtus.
“I believe this two-pronged solution can patch up your security issues enough for your strikers. We will discuss long-term security hires and procedures later.”
“Okay, and the third item the, food court… any ideas?”
“Burn it down.” Said Serpent.
Virtus paused. “Excuse me?”
“I looked it up. It’s rated 0 stars on Yelp. Zero stars. That’s not even possible. It does not seem to be adding value to Wolcrasi Community Hospital. Shut it down. Demolishing the building is optional, but it would definitely prove to the strikers that you are taking their demands seriously. Replacing it is also optional.”
“Uh, I will consider it. This is a lot to think about, Serpent. I’ll let you gather your team on a provisional basis and review your, uh, notes here before I give a final approval. Thank you.”
“Thank you for hearing my solutions out. I also would like to suggest longer-term changes after this crisis has passed.”
“Of course.”
Virtus wanted this meeting over with as soon as possible. She seemed to understand this, stood up, and left the room as gracefully it was a moment before he realized she was gone. He looked over the documents in his hand and wondered what qualities she saw in these individuals that made them suited for a special team.
Twenty minutes later, Serpent’s phone chimed. She glanced at it to see a text from Virtus. “Okay with Team. Plan mission, discuss with me at 2.”
She smiled and looked up.
Assembled before her were nurse Leah Perditam, Dr. Grace Vaya, Dr. Keith Takeda, security guard Bianco Achromis, cleaner Monica Oh, and hospital intern Noelle Taube, aka Dove. Dove was lying in a hospital bed, having sustained exceptional injury during a major security incident a few weeks ago. Everyone else assembled around her.
Serpent said, “So, I hope I have made clear the importance of our tasks today. I have received special dispensation from our Chief of Medicine to pull you from your usual duties to handle our special duties today. Most of these fall under the realm of security. I understand that several of you have the full intent of striking if these problems are not resolved. Fortunately, I believe if we organize together, we can resolve these problems in a manner that you may find… cathartic.”
Leah could not help but grin, with the way that Serpent implied getting back at some of the more annoying elements of this hospital.
“I will, however, require your buy-in.”, said Serpent. “You understand that, much like being a member of this hospital, these tasks will come with risk.”
A chorus of yeses echoed around the room.
Serpent couldn’t help but be surprised how quickly all the personnel seized the chance to take direct action, for no additional compensation. Perhaps they were just sick of Virtus’ non-confrontational style.
“With the input of Nurse Perditam, I have broken down ‘security concerns’ into several discrete tasks. We need to dissuade Dr. Naturae from grabbing young ladies’ bottoms, chase away an unwanted local cannabis dealer, resolve a standoff with Dr. Matsuda in the neurology department, negotiate with the fungal entity known as Rhiza, round up and secure loose patients, finally get Slumbear to start working again. Is that correct?“
Leah nodded. “Also, could we burn down the food court?”
“If you do well enough, certainly”, said Serpent, her eyes still closed in a sly smile. “Also, there is the matter of killing the Grand Duck, but we will acquire someone properly qualified for the task.” She said it as if it were a routine matter, like a stereotypically old woman would talk about knitting or cooking.
A round of cheers went across the room. Patience with the Duck had run out on day 1.
“Now, I will need an hour to plan and then I have a meeting with the chief of medicine. I will ask any of you who are interested to stay behind and provide your input to our plan. Everyone else, please remain on call because we may require you as soon as I leave my meeting.”
Nurse Leah Perditam and Dr. Grace Vaya stayed while the others dispersed. Dove stayed behind as well, it wasn’t like she was going anywhere while in traction.
“So, just between us, Serpie, why’d you pick you and us?” said Grace, with a wink. He was a tall slightly chubby and dark-skinned man in glasses, typically dressed in teal, green and khaki casual clothing under his lab coat.
He may not have meant his question seriously, but Serpent took it with gravitas.
“You are an angel of Rakha” said Serpent. “who has proven your value in handling several crises the hospital has been through, through your medical, supernatural and tactical skills. Your disciplinary record is a large number of minor infractions, which is fairly trivial compared to the more severe issues of many among our staff. That makes you an automatic inclusion. Testimony from my sister Noelle here and my sister Leucine only reinforce my impression.”
Grace gave a brief grunt of surprise. It wasn’t exactly common knowledge that he wasn’t human.
Serpent seemed to understand the meaning of the grunt immediately. “I’m a devil, dearie. We talk to each other. I’m also aware that Leah and Dove here are both in the know about your secret. It’ll stay with me, dearie.”
Grace rubbed his head a little, his face turning red as Serpent’s praise sunk in. “Okay, why the rest of us?”
“Well, Leah here also offers combat expertise, medical knowledge, novel problem-solving skills, and some important leadership qualities. I am prepared to offer both of you positions as the leaders of our merry little band.”
“I think you’re talking me way up here”, said Leah with a sigh.
Serpent ignored her. “More importantly, both of you are capable of some unique magical abilities, which make you invaluable in magical and security emergencies. Please consider my offer.”
“Noelle,” said Serpent, turning towards her sister, the young woman known as Dove, “For now I need you to talk to Frederick and ask him to take down the Grand Duck. I understand it’s a very big ask.”
“I’ll do it! The Duck made me drink a rotten fish smoothie! He’s going down!”, said Dove.
“…of course, Noelle”, said Serpent. She seemed taken aback with the vehemence in Dove’s voice. “I’ve been told you’ve been a big help for the hospital, and you may take a more direct role in our team once you recover from your injuries, which I’m told will be two or three months.”
Dove hugged at the bandaged-up, shredded figure of a teddy bear in her hands.
“Now, we have an hour. Let’s get to plotting.” said Serpent.
Grace grinned.
===========
Serpent met Virtus in his office. It was bare, with only the minimum of décor to look like someone actually owned it, but everything was exceptionally orderly. Everything, down to opened mail and stationary, was clean, set at right angles, and filed in an appropriate spot. Quite unlike the rest of the hospital.
Virtus sat across from Serpent, carefully examining her. He couldn’t find much to remark about, she kept an excellent poker face behind that motherly smile. Surely it wasn’t that that was all there was to her? She was thousands of years old, you don’t get that old without some serious secrets. He again felt naked and exposed under her observation, and he definitely wasn’t succeeding at returning the favor.
“So, is the team cooperative?”, he said at last, partly meant as a question and part to deflect his discomfort.
Serpent said, “All of them, yes. I was surprised at their enthusiasm. I hope they don’t overact in the process. If I had my way, I would put them through training, but instead my faith in their track records will have to do.”
“What about your brother? Did he agree?”, said Virtus.
“Noelle has agreed to ask him, also enthusiastically. She sure has changed from her time here.”
“Well, we did have that whole hostage crisis three weeks ago.”
“That would do it. So yes, Frederick will agree if Noelle asks. It’s a matter of her personal security, after all.”
“Excellent.”, said Virtus. “And you’ve expressed confidence. What supplies will you require?”
“Hm, our solutions need very little hardware. But for future use, or as a fallback, a reasonable team budget would helpful”, said Serpent.
“Ask Leyla in Accounts Payable. She is discreet. We have an emergency fund, subject to review by our heads. Leyla can obfuscate as necessary.”
“Okay, let’s talk about use of force. In the event… we may have to be uncouth, what are you willing to tolerate?”
“So, Wolcrasi is something of a legal gray area. I mean, all of Wolcrasi is a legal gray area. The police are afraid to step onto campus because of all the strange and dangerous things that happen here. They need to escalate to armed SWAT teams before they’re willing to intervene.”
Serpent listened attentively.
VIrtus continued. “The fact is, you can do anything, but I will expect deadly force and grand property destruction is called for only in the course of legal self-defense. Our friend dealing with the Grand Duck notwithstanding, as the courts have ruled him hostis humani generis. So, pretty much anything is worth it, just ask him not to ding our architecture too badly.”
“Mm, he’s called Ox for a reason. I’ll definitely bring it up though.” Said Serpent.
“Are we you willing to accept us as representatives or official agents of the hospital?”
“On a case-by-case approval basis. De facto, the answer is no, unless it is within the scope of each employee’s normal duties. And your normal duties as an operations consultant. I may change my mind depending on your results.”
Serpent nodded, in evident agreement with Virtus’ stance.